no love lost _ a zine about love // a few thoughts about love and relationships

i am currently working on a zine called no love lost. i finished writing the texts three months ago but i couldn’t find the time and the mood to put everything together. and it is something so personal, however hard i try to hide myself between and behind the words. but i decided to go for it, so while writing these lines i am sitting right in front of my desk which is covered by paper, pens and books and i am looking forward to finish it soon. what i always loved about zines is that you open then and another person gives you a glance in their inner world. this is one of the texts for momo # zero. i am writing a lot in this zine about my friends and things i love, but also about all the critique i am having about our ideas of romantic love. this is what i am refering to in the beginning of this text. i will upload this text another time. the way à deux is only half thus far is about what i think relationships should be like.

// the way à deux is only half thus far.

i don’t want to deconstruct this whole idea about romantic relationships and love. head and heart are far away from being one. and in spite of the heartache and in spite of the danger, it can be worth it.

having a romantic relationship means several things for me: first of all and most important are loyalty, trust and honesty. a relationship is something that starts when two persons decide to stay with each other because they are feeling a strong connection.

a connection that isn’t based upon dependence. i think this is the biggest poison for relationships – dependence. of course whether we want or not open our heart to another person always makes us vulnerable, it’s hard to avoid expectations and at some point we start to rely on the other person. but it shouldn’t be – you are my reason to get up, you are my one and only. for me loving someone is far away from owning someone else. loving means to esteem someone and not making another person responsible for yourself and your luck. i don’t want to be someone’s property and i don’t want to own someone.

a friend said once: i was always angry about myself when i was getting jealous, now i realized it isn’t about this feeling, it is about what you let it do with you and your behaviour. i think ze is right.

maybe there are people who don’t know how it feels to be jealous and can live happy in their queer polyamorous world. i am probably not one of these persons. i am questioning the idea of exclusivity and i am aware of the fact that we can love more than one person {and that love is really something that doesn’t shrink, if you share it} but at some point i realized that the idea of complete freedom is an illusion as well as the idea of complete safety in togetherness. polyamory and pansexuality can become a prison, too. there’s always a flip side. in many respects it is a more honest appreciation of the complexity emotions and relationships in general, but that doesn’t mean it is right for everyone. i can understand why people want to secure their luck in a more exclusive kind of romantic relationship.

i really want to believe that two (or more) adult persons should be able to define together their own form of romantic relationship that makes them feel comfortable. and tough all theoretical thoughts about romantic relationships – praxis is something so different and probably there are as many different forms of relationships as there are people out there.

these are really serious thoughts … but i am never forgetting that relationships are mainly something positive, it’s about laughing, smiling, kissing, sharing and creating together. there’s happiness that needs to be shared.

i really want to believe that two persons can be free together.

no love lost is a song by joy division.

der weg zu zweit ist halb so weit (the way in pairs is half thus far) is a song by grauzone (and one of the best love songs in my opinion)

(Source: anothervisualdiary.wordpress.com)